YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
