I can text with my tongue
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
