Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
