if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
