it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Did you just see the Batmobile???
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
