Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
We were destined to go to rehab together
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
