I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Randomize
