One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
