I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize