i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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