I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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