I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
