I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
