Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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