At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Randomize
