Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
