ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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