So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
