I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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