When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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