speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
