dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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