If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
