Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
