Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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