I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
