I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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