DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i just google imaged poop.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Randomize
