You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
