oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
