Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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