she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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