I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
