fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
apparently the secret to your success is patron
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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