Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
