That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
