Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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