I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
