Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
