My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Slut skills are useful in every country.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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