How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
