What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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