matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
