Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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