So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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