told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
