just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I'm at about main and main street
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
