im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
