you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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