if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize