yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
