dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
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