I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
