This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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