my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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