If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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