Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
