If i come over, it means nothing
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
