do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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