woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
