I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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