Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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