One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Alive.
So much puke
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
