I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
