my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
