do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
