He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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