we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
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