can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
