I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
