you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
