May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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